Where We Live

This post is mostly for family who might want a better picture of where we are living right now.  We finally have AC installed, so life in the rental has improved ten fold.

Front Door

 Powder Bath

 Kitchen

 Laundry

 Kitchen and Living Room

 Living Room (from front door)

Stairs (front door to left)

Down Stairs View (my desk in the Living Room)

Master

Master Bath

Kristen's Room and Girls' Desk

Amy's Room

Misha's Room

Girls' Bathroom

Girls Camp

Amy and Misha headed off to Girls Camp on Tuesday the 25th.  They were both pretty excited. This was Misha's first experience, but after having listen to Amy for the past two years extol the virtues of Girls' Camp, Misha was more than ready to join the fun.  Neither of them even complained about having to get up at 6:30 am and be ready to go by 7 am.  Sadly, I had to wake Kristen up to take her.  She had been up super early the day before to make her flight home, and I wished I could have let her sleep, but she didn't want me to leave her alone.  (Kristen made up for it on Wednesday the 26th by sleeping until after 9 am).

I dropped the girls off at Kathy Morgan's home.  After a few hugs goodbye, they were off.

Kristen's Birthday Gift

As we were in the process of packing up to move back in April, Chris and I tried to steer away from giving Kristen more toys for her birthday that we would then just have to pack.  I think her favorite gift turned out to be a special trip to visit Grandma in Vancouver, WA.  Chris booked a flight for both him and Kristen.  The bonus to visiting Grandma was that Kristen's cousin, Ashley, would also be in Vancouver visiting both sets of her grandparents before leaving for Thailand. 

The girls and I met Chris at the airport in the parking lot outside the terminal as he flew in from a week of work.  He had packed an extra bag of clothes and transferred out his dirty clothes for me to take home.  Yay.  We said a quick goodbye to Chris and Kristen as they quickly walked back to the terminal for their 10 pm flight.  It was late, but it was what worked with Chris' schedule.

We were able to text and facetime with Chris and Kristen throughout the weekend.  It was Father's Day, so I had the girls prepare stuff for Kristen to share with Chris Sunday afternoon.  It was about this time, as Chris and Kristen's return flight was approaching that we began discussing the possibility of leaving Kristen at Grandma's for another week.  Ashley and cousins would be there as well.  We even thought about having Amy fly out and bring Kristen home, but in the end decided that Kristen would fly home as an unaccompanied minor.  She was a little nervous about the idea of flying by herself but decided that she would be ok. 

Kristen had such a wonderful week.  She got to spend most of Monday and Tuesday with Grandma.  It was the last days of school and Kristen got to tag along.  Spending any time with Grandma is a treat for her.  She played with cousins, Jeremy taught her Minecraft, they swam in Grandma's pool, and ended up the week with a trip to an adventure park at Mt. Hood.  I feared coming home would be a huge let down.

Chris and I left for the airport Monday morning to pick Kristen up.  Her flight was early and I had left my phone on mute.  The airport was crowded and it took longer for Chris and I to get through security than we had planned.  I had my CLEAR card and was able to move through security faster than Chris.  As I reached Terminal C, I raced to the far end of the terminal only to find that the flight had already landed and Kristen had been taken to a Unaccompanied Minors holding room.  If I had had my phone on, I would have known that.  I wouldn't have had to race quite so far.  Still I was so happy to spy my little girl through the door as she colored.  She even asked to finish her drawing before leaving. 

Chris arrived in the terminal just as Kristen was finishing up.  I called to him just as he was about to step on to the moving side walk.  So good to hug my little one.

Amy and Misha had made a "Welcome Home" sign for Kristen and both came rushing out to meet Kristen as we pulled up to the house.  That happy "I missed you" feeling lasted a couple of minutes.

Misha's Mind

The other day we were sitting in the living room of our rental.  It is a small space and not terribly exciting...unless...

Misha "If the ceiling fan could support my weight, I would never be bored again."

Swimming

My girls have been excitedly waiting for the pool at the property to be finished.  We received word last week that the pool was finished but that work was happening with landscaping...but, the girls could come swimming.  We had purchased some swim toys the week previous and hurried to get ready.

I am not a huge swimmer/water lover, but I set up a chair in the shade and enjoyed a relaxing afternoon looking through magazines for house stuff.  Amy and Misha had a fabulous time.  I texted Chris at home that he was missing out.  As I suspected his return text was, "I can come for a little bit." 

The next day, we returned to the pool with Misha's friend, Jonah.  This was after we had spent the morning weeding around our trees at the property and making sure that they were getting watered with the sprinkler system that had already been installed.  The pool was a good work motivator.

Chris swam in the lake first, taking a trip out to one of the islands.

Innovation Academy

Just as soon as Camp Invention, Misha started her next summer camp at IBM--Innovation Academy.  It was two weeks of inventing, thinking, creating, etc. that was just her kind of thing.  We carpooled with another boy since IBM is 30 minutes away.  It saved a lot of driving for me, but probably wasn't a lot of fun for either Misha or Jaydon.  I was just a little bit glad to be done with all the driving after three weeks of shuttling kids back and forth.

A showcase event was held at the end of the two weeks to let the kids display their ideas and creativity.  Misha was in the Creative Energy group (there was also Creative Cities, Creative Communications, and Creative Public Transportation).  All of the children participating in the program had to be nominated by a teacher and then go through a selection process.  Misha was also selected to participate last year but we were out of town during the event.

Misha's group created a small city--Foothill Cove--that used solar energy, geothermal energy, and wind energy.

Amy's First Dance

Amy is going on Trek later this summer with her church group.  As preparation for Trek, the leaders are teaching the kids some "old fashioned" dances--square dances, Virginia reel, etc.  Amy will still be 13 when she goes on Trek (since she skipped a grade, she gets to do some things early) and was allowed to go to her first dance to learn these dances. 

Amy. was. thrilled.  She also had a great time.

Voice Showcase

Kristen had been taking voice lessons from our friend, Carli S., during this past school year.  She loves to sing and would often spend her piano practicing time singing the songs she was learning in Voice.  Carli taught Kristen a lot and that extra bit of music instruction even helped to move Kristen's piano playing abilities along.

The girls in the voice class had a performance scheduled on May 21st and Kristen was thrilled to have a solo part.  I was so proud of her.

Camp Invention

Misha and Kristen just finished a week of Camp Invention at Black Rock Elementary in Erie.  They had so much fun last year, they wanted to participate again this year.  Misha was too old to be a part of the invention groups, but was able to participate as a Counselor-in-Training.  I thought it quite amusing that she would come from a day of being with young kids all day and be tuckered.  Her argument to me was that she had to spend her day with 17 little kids, I only had 3!  I reminded her that my "job" never ended.  It was a good experience for her plus she got to use the hours towards those she needs for the National Junior Honor Society.

Amy

So I was driving down the freeway the other day with Amy in the car. As we drove, I pointed out bad driving practices that we spotted, explained other driving tips, etc. When we reached our destination, I asked, "Do you like me giving you driving tips." Her response, "No, because you won't let me test out your theories." 

Back it up babe. First, they are not THEORIES, and second, you're 13!

Memorial Day Weekend

We decided, after being in the rental for about a week, that it was time to get away.  We had had a lot of stress, hard work, sadness, and change in our lives.  We just needed to be away for a bit to regroup.  We decided to spend the Memorial Day Weekend in Colorado Springs.  We left Saturday morning after Chris finished a long week of work.  Instead of taking the most direct route up the interstate, we drove through the mountains through little towns and beautiful scenery.

We stopped in Fairplay around lunch time and had a quick look around.  There wasn't a whole lot to see.  We stopped at the local library to use the bathroom and then decided to get lunch fixin's at a small grocery store.  We then followed signs to the "Beach" area.  Ummm, not a beach people.  A pile of rocks? Yes.

We looked for a hike that Chris had been directed to but missed the turn off.  Instead, we found ourselves at the base of rocks/mountain perfect for "scrambling" up.  It was a nice way to break up the day.

We stayed the weekend at a hotel by the airport that Chris got a great deal on with his points.  And because everyone else was taking advantage of the great deal, we were upgraded to the Hilton Garden Inn next door.  Even better, we had TWO rooms with an adjoining door.  It was delightful.  I wish the points always worked in our favor to have two rooms.

It was just nice to be away, to enjoy the hikes we took at the Garden of the Gods and outside Monument.  You would be surprised if I said my girls enjoyed the hikes; they didn't.  But they hiked regardless.

The Neighborhood

There is an upside to living in the rental.  My younger two have a lot of friends that live near by and some are close enough for Misha to take off on her bike to go visit.  Kristen has a friend that shares our back fence.  She has made friends with the neighbors.  She is loving all the friends this summer.  In our previous home, I used to have to drive the girls to friends' homes for playdates.  If they aren't playing with friends, they are riding bikes.  It is a happy thing for sure.

Last Day of School

My girls were all excited for the last days of school.  I don't want them out of school a week early, but the last week of school is pretty pointless.  The girls came home and told me which movies they had watched that day.  I think Misha and Amy enjoyed the freedom of riding their bikes to school and not having to ride the bus anymore. 

I tried to meet Kristen for her school-wide picnic on Thursday at lunch.  However, as I arrived at the school, I looked around the Pilot and realized that I had forgotten her packed lunch back at the rental.  Parking was already bad, but I decided to head back to get her lunch.  I knew Kristen would be getting a little worried that I wasn't there.  I tried to hurry, and as I returned, I decided just to park in the bus area.  I found Kristen's teacher who told me that Kristen had gone to the office to call me.  I hurried to the office to find her.  She was holding herself together, but I knew she was pretty near tears as well.  "Where were you?"  And I had to explain that I forgot her lunch.  So sorry my sweetheart. 

We returned to the area where her class had been sitting and sat to enjoy a lunch.  Kristen had originally thought that she would stay the whole day and have a fun afternoon watching movies and helping her teacher.  During lunch she decided that she just wanted to return to the rental with me.  That was fine.

Misha had nothing too exciting happening for the last day, though I am sure she was just watching movies and goofing around.

Amy on the other hand, had been looking forward to her last day of school--a day at Elitches.  She had such a fun day and returned to the school around 6 pm so totally wiped out.  She's not one to usually go to bed early if she doesn't have to--she didn't need too much convincing that night.

I now have a high school freshman, 7th grader, and 3rd grader.  Now just to decide where to send two of them to school next year.

Letting Go

So, I guess I was okay with letting Amy spend a day at Elitches because I knew there would be chaperones and teachers to turn to if she needed help.  The following week, Misha received an invite to a birthday party where the girls would be spending the day at Elitches without parental supervision.  Chris told me to let her go, that she would be fine.  As a mom, sometimes I imagine too many things that have the potential of going wrong when it comes to my children.  I am probably a little overprotective.  All Moms should be in my opinion.  So it was hard to just let her go.  I did, though I gave her my phone for the day.  She, too, had a great time and came home totally wiped out.  I didn't have to tell her twice to go to bed.  She would have been in bed at 7 pm if I had let her. 

I can do this letting go thing in degrees.  And it well get easier I am sure.

Moving

I hate moving.  The kicker is that I am going to have to do it again in about eight months.  At least then it might feel as though I am moving home.   Right now, I am living in a rental.  It is not home.  Since arriving home from the Philippines, life has been a whirlwind.  The buyers for our house were given until the 22nd of April to find a buyer for their house.  They did.  When we first accepted their offer, we never looked closely at the closing date that they had specified.  We wish we had.  We were to close a week before the last day of school.  They were unwilling to change the date due to a family wedding.  Life jumped into hyper-speed on the moving front.  We moved our store room and other miscellaneous boxes that I had succeeded in packing on April 27.  The next weekend, after having my parents here for the weekend, we moved another load to our temporary storage.

Our final move began on May 15th.  Earlier in the week I had texted our new landlord asking when we could pick up the keys from him.  This was my text, "Hey Luke just wondering when we can pick up keys next week.  We would like to be able to get started moving Thursday morning."  Luke's response: "I will be moving Tuesday and Wednesday afternoon so you can swing by anytime after 4:30 and grab keys."  Would you assume that we could pick up keys at 4:30 and that he would be finished moving by Wednesday afternoon?  That's what we thought.  When we arrived on Wednesday at 4:30, Luke was not even home.  We had brought a trailer full of boxes.  We called him and he immediately panicked and said he was not finished moving or cleaning.  That was obvious since he still had his living room furniture in the house...and his two Turner and Hooch dogs.  I peaked through the living room window and saw his huge dogs drooling all over the carpet.  Ughghgh, I could not believe I was going to be living here.  I was already grossed out.

Luke told Chris where the front door key was and he let us begin moving all of our boxes to the basement.  Great, I wanted to move them all back upstairs later!  Chris went in first and put the dogs in the backyard.  As I opened the back door from the garage, the dogs were standing there growling at me.  I shouted to Chris that the dogs were in the house.  He asked if I was sure.  Duh!  I HATE dogs.  Totally can't stand their smell, their mess, anything about them.  Sorry, if that offends.  I HATE dogs.  Even more now.

Apparently these dogs were able to open the sliding door if it wasn't locked.  Chris took the dogs to the back yard once again, this time making sure to lock the sliding door.  We got busy unloading the trailer.  All of sudden, the dogs were in the front yard.  What the heck!  They could get out of the side yard as well.  At least they didn't take off running.  Chris put the dogs back in the back yard, and padlocked the side gate.

We set off to unloading the trailer.  The smell of the garage was horrendous.  The steps into the house were covered in a mixture of mud and dog poop.  Can you believe living with that and not ever bothering to clean it up?  Again, the smell was so awful.  I cringed every time I stepped on those steps and tracked more crap in to the house.  We finished unloading (in the rain) and then returned home to begin loading up two more trailers.  We wouldn't be able to unload them, but at least we could utilize the friends Chris had asked to help in moving heavy furniture so we were ready to go in the morning.  It took all evening to move couches, beds, the piano, and dressers.

Around 10 pm, I called Luke again to find out when we could get the keys from him.  He wanted us to come over then.  No worries, we weren't exhausted or anything.  He was busy "cleaning" and getting ready to steam clean the carpets.  We picked up keys and headed home to bed.  We slept on mattresses on the floor.

Thursday morning dawned early for us.   We headed early to the house to begin cleaning and set up a few things.  I was just sick at the disgusting state of the home.  Luke's version of clean was not even on my scale of acceptable.  There was dog snot, drool, and dirt all over the baseboards and half way up the walls.  The kitchen cabinets were coated in a greasy film.  As much as I would have liked to stay and continue with the cleaning, I had to return home with Chris to start the moving process. 

We had great friends who came to help move on Thursday morning and afternoon.  We were mostly done around 3 pm and figured we could get the last items on Friday when we returned to clean our home.  A dear friend had offered to come and help me clean.  She cleaned the bathrooms while I got started on the kitchen.  In the middle of that, I had to take Kristen for her yearly check up.  It had already been rescheduled by the Dr.'s office twice; I didn't want to have to put it off longer.  I went in my cleaning/moving clothes and sat exhaustedly in the office waiting.  I couldn't even relax.  There was just so much to think about doing.  Kristen was healthy.

We returned to find Lois working on the third bathroom.  I finished working in the kitchen and then started to unpack a few things.  The house was somewhat clean, but I still cringed to walk on carpets or place things on counter tops.  There was so much more to do.  We ordered pizza for an easy dinner.

I vacuumed and each room filled up the dust bin.  So disgusting.  I could get through this for the next eight months.  Maybe by the time I leave, the house will have begun to smell better.

Our first night in the rental was uneventful.  Amy and Misha were now able to walk or ride their bikes to school.  I opted to keep Amy out of school for the morning so she could help us with the final boxes, packing, and cleaning at the house.  She was a stellar helper during this move.  Misha was given the choice to stay home for the morning and "help".  She opted to go to school.  No option for Kristen, she was just off to school.

My visiting teacher came to help clean at the house.  So grateful for thoughtful friends.  As much as I think I can do things on my own, I need help.  I needed a lot of help.  As it was, we were still cleaning and getting the final boxes out of the house.  The buyer and her realtor came for a walk through at 9 am.  We told them we would be out of the house by 11 am so that they could get their carpet cleaner in.  We had closing at 1 pm in Westminster.  We pulled the last boxes and plants out of the house at 11 am.  Chris and I both had our tearful moments.  We loved this house.  It wasn't ours anymore.  I was moving to a cesspool.  I was pretty depressed.  Only eight months.

We closed on our house at 1 pm and walked away with a tidy little sum.  We'll need it.  The teller at the bank said that if she had that much money she'd buy at least three cars!  She had never handled such a large check before.  Me neither.

Saturday was another full day of cleaning.  Lois came back again and cleaned out window sills and washed down doors for me.  My girls cleaned doors and baseboards.  It was easiest to send Kristen to play with her friend who now shared a back fence with us.  We made great progress.  We can't wait for our new home to be finished. 


 

National Junior Honor Society

Amy was thrilled to leave the National Junior Honor Society behind and move on to "bigger and better" things.  Misha was thrilled to be selected to be inducted into the Honor Society.  We are proud of how hard all of our girls work in school.  They are great students.

Cleaning

My children didn't know what it was to live in a dirty home until we moved.  In their Monarch Drive life, they weren't usually too thrilled that they had a part in helping maintain a level of cleanliness, but moving to the rental helped them gain an appreciation for the clean lifestyle I had tried to maintain in our previous home.  As we knelt in prayer one morning, Misha sincerely prayed, "We are thankful to have found a rental."  Pause.  "We are thankful for cleaning supplies."

Sentimental Girl

I sent Kristen off to school on May 17.  It was her last day of walking to school from our house on Monarch Drive.  She was pretty sad as she left and cried as she walked to school.  We told Kristen to walk back to the house and that is where we would pick her up that day and for the next week.  A small comfort to a breaking heart,  "It's where all my memories are," she cried.

We had a couple of keys to return that we had located in the move.  Kristen walked up to the house as we pulled up after a long day of moving, cleaning, and unloading.  She and Chris went in to the house to meet the new owners.  I was too tired, and frankly, I had already said my goodbyes.  I didn't need to see someone else setting up in my house.  As I sat in the Pilot waiting for Kristen and Chris, Kristen came running out to the car with tears running down her cheeks and great sobs engulfing her.  I opened the front door and pulled her on to my lap.

The new owner, Shirley, came out to invite us back in, but both Kristen and I were done at that point.  Shirley was a lovely lady.  She said that "Kristen's" bedroom would now be a room for her granddaughters and that she would keep Kristen's Eiffel Tower mural on the wall and that Kristen could come and visit anytime.  It helped a little.

As we finally left the house, Kristen noticed dried tear drops on her glasses and whispered, "I am never going to clean these glasses again."

A couple of days later, I tried to clean her glasses when she wasn't looking.  She found me while in the process and wasn't happy.  It was her last link. 

We've all been a little homesick.  I know for myself that I whispered one morning, "I just want to go HOME."  Chris heard me and pulled me in to a hug.  Crazy to be so sentimental for a house.  But it was a house full of memories, and we all missed it.

Moving & Rentals

I used to say to Chris that I would never move again unless a company moved me.  I should have heeded my own counsel.  This moving stuff is for the birds.  We put our house up for sale in March.  We figured that since we would be gone to the Philippines for two weeks, it would be ideal to have showings then.  Turns out it didn't really matter.  Our house was listed on a Friday evening.  We had our first showing on a Sunday afternoon and those are the people who submitted an offer (above asking price I might add).  Their offer was contingent on them being able to sell their home in Arvada.  We gave the buyers until April 20th to have an offer on their own home, or we would consider other offers.

We did have other viewings during this time and others who expressed an interest in our home, I think they were waiting to see what would come of the initial offer.  We began to pray that the original offer would go through and that the buyer would be able to sell their home.  Success!  They signed a contract the weekend before April 20th.

It was a snowball effect from that moment on.  We had to find a rental, secure a storage area, and begin packing in earnest.  Ugh!  I hate packing.  Add to that Kristen's birthday, Kristen's baptism, my parents coming for Kristen's baptism, and life in general.  The snowball was getting bigger fast.  Our biggest stress was where to live in the interim while our new house would be built.

We put the word out.  Most of our conversations with friends ended with, "if you know of any rentals in the area..."  I was amazed to find out just how many people were actually searching for us.  Our piano teacher told her mom who in turn sent out an email to her church friends.  A friend from Kristen's school said she was scouring Zillow, I had friends respond to my comment on Facebook with rentals they had seen, and our next-door neighbor brought us up in conversation while at the dog park.  We were so touched by everyone's kindness.

It was our neighbor who was chatting at the dog park who helped us find our rental.  She stopped by one evening with a number of a young couple who were hoping to move to Austen, TX and had had three renters living with them since they got married last year.  They were tired of the situation.  I called Luke and set up a time to visit his home on April 27th.

It was after a long day of Kristen's baptism and then packing and moving stuff to storage (I'll get to that story in a bit).  Misha and Amy were with us as we moved our last load.  We stopped by Luke's house.  It was a lot smaller than we were used to and would definitely need some cleaning, but the price and timing were right.  Luke's life just took on a snowball effect as well as we needed to be able to move in May 16th.  He and his wife were willing to make the change.  Yay!

Now the storage.  We had started looking around and found that many of the nearby rentals were full.  We were, of course, praying over the matter and for a solution for our needs.  Chris was working at home, and he and I were chatting during lunch.  All of sudden he thought of our good friends who had a huge second garage built in their back yard.  Chris called them immediately, and they were more than willing to let us take over some of the space.  Our friends were amazing.  This was on a Wednesday or Thursday and we started moving stuff on the Saturday following.  So grateful for answers to prayers.

My parents were a huge help to us as well.  They had originally planned to come for Kristen's baptism.  We didn't know when we began to plan for their visit that we would also be in the middle of packing things up.  Their visit probably wasn't very fun, but they were so blessedly helpful.  After Kristen's baptism, we came home and changed.  My parents and I began packing up the remainder of the storage room while Chris and Amy began moving all of the food storage Chris had already moved to the garage.  Our amazing home teacher, Craig, came and helped for a couple of hours of heavy lifting.  (Our other amazing home teacher came another weekend and worked side by side with us for over five hours!)  We worked all afternoon until our final load around 5:30 pm. 

So the moral of the story; if you say you aren't ever going to move again unless a company moves you, stick to your guns.  Moving sucks!  Friends and family, on the other hand, are a blessing.

2nd Grade Field Trip

Because of all of the parent volunteers, I haven't been on many of Kristen's field trips.  In fact, the last field trip I went on with her was in Kindergarten.  I was selected to be a chaperone for her final field trip of the year to the Denver Aquarium.  Kristen was thrilled that I would be going along.  The bus driver handed each of the adults a large-size garbage bag (woohoo) and instructed all of the kids to go for the bag if queasy stomachs overflowed.  I guess he's had some experience with that before.

I was assigned a group of five girls to be in charge of throughout the day and don't know how many times I counted, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5", just to keep track of them.  We started with classroom instruction about different habitats throughout the world.  Following the instruction, we headed outside for lunch.  I was just glad that it was a fairly nice day in the sunshine.  My five girls sat around a picnic table with me and we ate our sandwiches.  There was some work being done on the track train directly behind us; it was noisy, but definitely fun for the kids to watch.

After lunch we had time to walk through the aquarium until we were to meet to go home.  We saw plenty of fish, as you can imagine, lots of stingrays, a tiger, sharks, and...a mermaid.

The teachers noted that the shark feeding would take place at 1 pm and so decided that it would be fun to hang around for that.  After completing our tour, the girls hung out by the stingray tank where they were able to pet and feed the stingrays.  Kristen stuck her arm in the water, but I don't she allowed it to come close to touching one of the rays.  She was even given a little fish to feed the stingrays but was just too nervous and ended up giving it to someone else.

We headed back to the shark tank for the feeding.  It was not that exciting.  They stuck a fish to a pole and put it in the tank for the shark to grab.  We thought there might be some kind of feeding frenzy, but no.  They were fairly well-mannered sharks.  We did get a lot of groans when a partially eaten octopus floated in front of us.  The boys were certain they saw brain matter.

We lined up everyone in our group in front of the Aquarium after the shark feeding and headed back to the bus.  The kids were all a little more subdued and tired after their field trip.

Aladdin Jr.

After months of after-school and weekend practices, Misha's drama club presented Aladdin Jr.  It was scheduled for May 1 and 2 at the school.  Because there were so many kids who tried out, some of the major roles were double cast.  Having two performances gave everyone an opportunity to perform.  Misha was part of the general chorus and also played "The Carpet" both nights.  She had no lines as the Carpet, but was expressive with her hands, face, and eyes.  She was on stage for more than half of the play.  Her arms got a little tired.

The first night was a little tentative and you could tell that they had worked to make a few changes for the second night.  I took Amy and Kristen on the 1st, and we all joined Chris in attending on the 2nd.  I think the girls came for the treats.  The performance was very well done.  Kudos to all, but especially my Misha.  I am so impressed that she put her self out there to perform.