Talk "Am I Good Enough?"

I got to speak in church.  Amazingly enough, it was on a topic I have studied much over the past year and a half as I have been writing my book.  The topic of "Am I Good Enough?" was based on a talk given by Elder Devn Cornish titled, "Am I Good Enough?  Will I Make it?"  It was the original talk used when teaching a Relief Society lesson which in turn became the theme of my book.  I was excited to speak.

Am I Good Enough? 

Elder J. Devn Cornish

As I look at your faces this morning, I imagine that there are some of you who came to church today with your Sunday face plastered on.  And maybe as you sank in to your bench, your thoughts went something like this,  "I am here and that is all I have to give today."

This phenomenon of putting on our "Sunday face” allows us to smile and be friendly.  Yet inside we are sometimes sad, depressed, empty, or feeling as though we are failing miserably.  We smile because it is so much easier to offer a trite “I’m Good" when asked how we are doing than to allow people to see what is really in our hearts.

One Sunday morning I had a run-in with one of my daughters where she and I argued before church.  It was that moment, and the build up of other moments, that left me feeling deflated, broken, and on the verge of tears.  As I sat on the bench in the chapel trying to maintain my “Sunday face”, I sat as close to the wall as possible. I couldn't talk or look at anyone for fear that the dam of tears would burst.  The meeting came to an end and my husband, who had been at early morning meetings, slid over beside me and asked what was wrong.  Unable to hold back my tears any longer, I sobbed in his arms.  Sobbed.  Like ruin my makeup sobbed.  I was not fine.  My "Sunday face" was down.

Stephen Robinson, in his book, "Believing Christ", shared a similar experience with his wife where she opened up to all the things that were in her heart.  So many things that you and I understand.  She said,  "'All right. You want to know what's wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong. I can't do it anymore. I [just] can't [do] it. I can't get up at 5:30 in the morning and bake bread and sew clothes and help my kids with their homework and do my own homework and do my Relief Society stuff and get my genealogy done and write the congressman and go to the PTA meetings and write the missionaries . . .' And she just started naming one brick after another that had been laid on her, explaining all the things she could not do. She said, 'I don't have the talent that Sister Morrell has. I can't do what Sister Childs does. I try not to yell at the kids, but I lose control, and I do. I'm just not perfect, and I'm not ever going to be perfect. I'm not going to make it to the celestial kingdom, and I've finally admitted that to myself. You and the kids can go, but I can't [do] it. …I’m not ever going to be perfect, so I've given up. Why break my back?'” (Stephen Robinson, Believing Christ, ).

Have you ever had similar thoughts to Sister Robinson?  Have you ever wondered, "Am I good enough? 'Cause I'm not feeling it today."  My prayer is that the Spirit whispers to your heart three things today:  1) You are exactly where you need to be today, 2) You are amazing and more than enough, and 3) God is aware and absolutely KNOWS your heart.

You and I live in a world full of people accomplishing great things and rocking some very visible talents:   playing a musical instrument, singing, woodworking, creating beautiful art, designing websites, building homes, cooking, working on computers, or swimming, to name a few.

And we compare ourselves to others using those visible talents and accomplishments as a measuring stick for OUR worth.  Our self-talk quickly brings us to, "I’m not as good as…" or "I can't do…", which then leads to "I’m not…enough."  Our thoughts spiral downward.  Sometimes we think we do not have many talents or we haven't accomplished much or that other people have been blessed with more abilities than we will ever possess. 

"And sometimes," as Elder Cornish stated in his talk, "in our church culture, we become so disheartened by even the sincerest invitations to improve ourselves. We think silently, 'I can’t do all these things' or 'I will never be as good as all these people.'”  (J. Devn Cornish, “Am I Good Enough?  Will I Make It?”, Oct. 2016, ).  Theodore Roosevelt was spot on when he coined the phrase, “Comparison is the thief of joy.”

Brothers and sisters, we all have worth.  That worth is often manifest in our talents, gifts, strengths, and inner resources.  Some of these talents and gifts are visible and wonderful and good and are used to bless the lives of others.  Some of our talents are not so visible but are equally wonderful and good and are still used to bless the lives of others. Some have the talent of:

Bearing other's burdens
Turning to prayer
Having a happy heart
Seeking forgiveness
Being courageous
Pressing forward in faith
Having a listening ear
Being punctual
Being grateful
Sharing enthusiasm

 Each of us have talents, gifts, and abilities that shine, and often they shine in a completely different way from our sisters, brothers, neighbors, friends, mentors, parents, and acquaintances.  My three daughters, each unique and as different as can be, have always beautifully illustrated this concept.  In 2010, I noted about my two oldest:

Misha came in to this world as the younger sister. Amy could do this; Amy could do that. And always, Misha was in the 'Amy shadow'. Misha never felt that she was the "artistic" one simply because she didn't do art the way Amy did. And somehow, the way Amy was artistic was the only way to be. 

As a mother to Misha, I have had to relearn a few things and understand new things and realize that there is more than one way to be artistic or tie one's shoe or love someone or whatever. Misha's artistic abilities shine in a completely different way, and if you let her express herself, her creativity is out of this world (July 16, 2010).

Elder Uchtdorf noted, "Sometimes we feel discouraged because we are not 'more' of something—more spiritual, respected, intelligent, healthy, rich, friendly, or capable. Naturally, there is nothing wrong with wanting to improve. God created us to grow and progress. But remember, our weaknesses can help us to be humble and turn us to Christ, who will 'make weak things become strong' (Ether 12:27).  Satan, on the other hand, uses our weaknesses to the point that we are discouraged from even trying… God will take you as you are at this very moment and begin to work with you. All you need is a willing heart, a desire to believe, and trust in the Lord" (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "It Works Wonderfully!", Oct. 2015, ).

Would you agree that this discouragement is escalated by the Social Media Effect?  Whether it is Pinterest, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat or any other medium, we vividly catalog our weaknesses or limitations while comparing our worst with someone else's best. Have you ever had thoughts similar to these? "They draw beautiful pictures and I can't.  I must be a loser." or "They are a great cook.  I burn everything.  I'm a failure." 

“We live in a world that feeds on comparisons, labeling, and criticism. Instead of seeing through the lens of social media, we need to look inward for the godly attributes to which we each lay claim.” (W. Craig Zwick, “Lord, Wilt Thou Cause That My Eyes May Be Opened”, Oct. 2017, ).

Life is all about celebrating our hidden talents and acknowledging our gifts, but to be perfectly honest, there are just some talents that aren't in our wheelhouse.  While I know that there are some skills that I just don't have the knack for, I try not to beat myself up either for that lack.  For instance, I am directionally challenged.  When I lived in Utah, I always oriented myself with the mountains in the East.  Moving to Colorado--the other side of those mountains--I had to make a paradigm shift as the mountains were now in my West.  I literally have to think, "North is 'that way,' which is pointing toward Canada, because that is where my parents live.  If I lived in a state without mountains, I'm not sure I would even know which way was North anymore!

Chris and I spent a couple of days in New Zealand in 2017.  We wanted to get out of the city and tour the country side.  That meant renting a car AND driving on the opposite side of the road.  Fortunately, I wasn't driving and the map feature on Chris' phone was navigating.

I commented to Chris after we passed a detour, "Can you imagine navigating our way around with a paper map to get to where we needed to be?"  He replied, "I can imagine me doing it.  I can't imagine you doing it!" (February 26, 2017).

Be confident in what you CAN do.  Try new things.  Celebrate new talents and gifts.  Find ways to improve to magnify you.  Our differences in this life as mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, friends, and neighbors make each of us unique and our contributions worthwhile.  I love this thought from Michelle Craig, "The truth is that each of us is one generation away from Deity—each is a child of God. And just as He has done with both prophets and ordinary men and women through the ages, so Heavenly Father intends to transform us" (Michelle W Craig, “Divine Discontent”, Oct. 2018, ).

Embrace confidence.  And I mean, really wrap your arms around it and "own it" for yourself.  Sometimes we "get our knickers in a twist" when we try to be all things to all people and feel as though we aren't enough.  We create parameters and impossible earthly deadlines for ourselves to "Be ye therefore perfect"--now,  when we really should remember that God expects us to "be ye therefore perfect--eventually" (Jeffrey R. Holland, "Be Ye Therefore Perfect--Eventually, Nov. 2017). 

God sees what we are not always able to see.  If you are new to knowing the Kline family, here's a fun fact:  My husband is 6'4" and I am 5'2".  While Chris' height comes in handy for me when I need to find him in a crowd, sometimes his long legs far outpace mine.  Last summer we were traveling and wanted to make a day trip to a small town called Orvieto.  I noted in my journal:

Getting to Orvieto was an hour train ride outside the city and another early start to our day.  We had maybe five minutes to eat our breakfast and then run to the bus/tram stop.  And then we waited.  You just never know if the buses and trams will be on time or not.  Since we were in a hurry, we decided to hop on a tram since our bus wasn't appearing and as soon as we got on, our bus rumbled around the corner.  We rode the tram for one stop.  Got off, hopped on the bus, took it to the subway station, and ran down the stairs to narrowly catch our subway train.  Once we reached the train station it was an all out run to the furthest possible loading dock in the station. Now I have endurance to run distances, but I am not a good sprinter.  And to keep up with my long-legged family was nearly impossible.  Chris reached the train first and kept running past cars.  As I watched in amazement and then frustration, I just kept yelling in my head, "Stop running past all the train cars and get on the train!  Seriously. Get. On. The. Train!"  I was dying.  We made it with literally two minutes to spare.

Now, what I didn't realize was that Chris could see into each train car as he was running past them and could tell that all of the seats were full. And since there is not an international symbol for "This Train Car is Full", I did not understand why he picked the furthest car possible.  He kept running past the full train cars until he reached a car with available seats.  All I could see was his legs running and running and running. 

God knows and sees what we cannot see.  As Sister Craig said, "Heavenly Father intends to transform us."  For those of us who struggle with feeling good enough--and we all do—And when it seems as though we are running and running and running please know that 1) you are exactly where you need to be today, 2) you are amazing and more than enough, and 3) I testify that God SEES all that we cannot see and He absolutely KNOWS YOUR heart.

Isoms

Chris' first trainer and companion in the Philippines mission was Jeff Isom.  Jeff is 6'10" and Chris 6'4".  You can imagine these two giant missionaries made quite a spectacle together walking among people more my 5'2" size.

Jeff and his wife, Jo, and two of their kids, Max and Jill, stopped for a visit while traveling East to visit family.  Fortunately, the weather cooperated and we all enjoyed a fun day at the beach (after I planted my rose bushes though).  Max and Jill loved the lake and the beach and were sad when they had to leave Sunday morning to continue on their way.

Jill left us a lovely thank you note.

A Cruise Friends Date

Coordinating the schedules of four different couples often takes a couple of months of planning, but we try to continue our get togethers.  This month, Maria B. planned our night-o-fun.  We started at a restaurant in Frederick called The Butcher and the Blonde.  Since there wasn't a lot of seating and the restaurant was without a/c, they suggested that we order our food to go and then they would deliver it to us at a "bar" across the street.  We ordered root beers, Italian Soda, and smart water and enjoyed a fun dinner chatting.

Following dinner, we spent the rest of the evening at Burnham's chatting and eat chocolate cookies and ice cream.

Roses

I am always adding to the flora of our landscaping.  That is why Chris saw fit to teach me how to run sprinkler lines to all of the shrubs, bushes, and flowers that I plant.  I feel pretty proud of myself that I can do it.  I found some rose bushes and lavender plants at Lowes that were discounted and brought them home to plant.  Chris was helping me run a new sprinkler line to the area where I wanted to plant them, but when I started digging, I found that a line was already there (it was just deeper than I had originally dug to see if there was one).

The weather here has been so crazy with so much rain.  I bought the rose bushes in the early part of June and the weather was finally good enough at the end of the month for me to plant them.  Here's hoping I can keep them healthy and producing beautiful roses. (And of course, I would like to add a lot more rose bushes).

Garden Bounty

Our family has enjoyed the strawberries that came on strong at the end of June as well as the lettuce.  I have had a lot of peas to pick, but no one else seems to care too much about eating them but me.  That's okay.  The more for me, the better.

In a couple of weeks, we'll have beans, peppers, tomatoes, cucumbers and carrots too.

Plane Rain Shot

Chris captured this awesome shot from the airplane window on his way home from the East Coast.

Father's Day

Father's Day was kind of a bust for Chris this year.  I was sick and the girls didn't do much to pull it together.  Plus, Chris had a flight to the East Coast in the afternoon.  So, it wasn't until a month later when we celebrated Chris.  No matter the day we celebrate, Chris is a stand out dad.

I found this bar table that is a perfect size for our hot tub as a gift for him and Misha helped me put it together.  Our towels and robes always get wet using the little end table from an old patio set we used to have.  Anyway, Christopher, Happy Father's Day.

 

Sick Days for Mom

When we arrived in Geneva, Switzerland, the landing was pretty painful for my left ear.  I thought that was odd since I wasn't sick or anything.  My ear stayed plugged for about five days afterward.  On our flight home from Europe, my ear was plugged again.  

Getting back in to the normal routine of life after travel, along with the jet lag, took some time and I could feel myself getting sicker and sicker.  It started with a sore throat and cough and heaviness in my chest and then moved to my head and sinuses.  After one week, I just wasn't getting better.  Finally on Wednesday, the 19th, I went to the doctor.  My normal doctor wasn't available so I had to see a new doctor in the practice (I told Chris the new doctor was very granola).  He didn't think I needed antibiotics but was willing to give them to me anyway.  I accepted the prescription and within two hours of taking my first dose, I was so much better.

I'm still waiting for my ears and sinuses to clear, but I am grateful to finally feel better.

Our Center in June

Normally Chris has scheduled to volunteer with a group at the Our Center closer to the holidays, but was happy to choose a day, a Sunday even, for ward members to make and serve dinner to those in need.  Amy was happy to help (and work on some service hours for their Weld County Scholarship).  Looks like a fun bunch of people.

Strawberries

My garden is producing delicious strawberries in abundance right now.  Either myself or the girls pick them every other day.  And with the netting that Patrick R. helped to cover the berries with, the birds are not able to feast.

Cute Girl at Lexus

Amy has been working full time at Lexus as a valet since we returned from Europe.  While the full-time schedule and busy days are more adulting than she wants, she appreciates the boost that it will be to her bank account by the end of the summer.

As she helped move a car for a gentleman bringing his car in for service, he noted, "It's about damn time they hired some good looking people to work here!"  Amy laughed.

Another Job for Amy

Amy had a new job lined up to work as a receptionist at Lexus this summer until another department at Lexus called and offered her a full-time job as a Valet.  So, she will keep her current job at Ulta and work weekends there and then work Monday thru Friday at Lexus.  She is excited for the amount of money she will be able to save this summer.

Empty Counter

You may wonder why I would take a picture of my granite counter, but I am really excited that there are no lunch bags on it every morning that I have to make sure are full.  Hooray for summer holidays and taking a break from our normal schedule.

Fancy Converse

As a graduation gift for Misha, she created a personalized pair of Converse sneakers.  This girl loves her Converse.  They arrived while we were on vacation.

Help in the Yard

Chris and I hired Anson Savage to work in our yard this summer while he waits to go on his mission at the end of June.  He is one of the hardest working kids around, plus he is saving our backs.  He has made our yard look awesome by pulling weeds, fluffing the mulch, and mowing the lawn. He mostly worked a couple of weeks before we left for Europe and while we were gone.  Now that we are back from vacation, our girls should be able to pick up where he left off.

Europe 2019 - Day 14

Time to go home.  I set my alarm for 6 am and got up a couple of minutes early before it went off to avoid waking everyone up.  Who knew that it would also set the alarm on my phone?  Alas it went off at 6 am and everyone was awake.  Amy and Kristen rolled over and went back to sleep.  We tidied up, finished packing, and had our suitcases downstairs by the front door at 7:25 am.  The owner of the apartment ordered a taxi for us that showed up at the apartment at 7:30 am.  

Today was only the second day for United flights out of Prague.  The staff were still learning.  Amy’s bag missed out on getting an extra tag, but other than that, we boarded without too much difficulty.

We enjoyed our flight into Newark, arriving almost 45 minutes early.  Since we weren’t flying out of Newark until 5 pm and got in just after noon, it made for an even longer layover.  Looking forward to being home tonight.

Amy at the Denver airport.

Europe 2019 - Day 13

Our last day in Prague and quite likely the last day that our family of five would vacation together.  Life will be a-changing with two girls off to college this fall.

We wanted to get an early start on finishing our tour at the Prague Castle this morning.  We read that crowds were crazy after 11:00 am, but whoever wrote that bit of wisdom was completely wrong.  We chose (or maybe it would be more correct to say, Chris said we were going to) walk up to the castle from our apartment.  It was a bit of a haul.  The picture below shows only the last section of our hike.

Once we got in to the castle walls, the people were nearly wall to wall.

We did our best to navigate through the crowds and so many brides taking engagement/wedding pictures.

We toured the castle and then walked through the exit saying, “That’s it?”  Indeed, it was.  The view from one of the castle balconies was beautiful though.

As well the ceiling in the grand hall.

The Golden Lane, lined with brightly colored, tiny houses within the Prague castle grounds, used to be home to castle guards.  Looking at the beds on display, those people were small.  Even I wouldn’t have had a lot of room for stretching out.  Today, many of the Golden Lane houses are tourist shops.  Again, so many people out and about, it was hard to get a clean shot.  I'd wait and wait and then have to speedily catch up to the rest of my family.  Good thing Christopher is tall and easy to pick out in a crowd.

Chris has successfully taught his daughters to photobomb my pictures.

Since the castle was totally packed with people, we were more than happy to leave and walk through the upper garden toward the Queen Anne's Summer Castle (also known as The Belvedere).  As we were walking toward the Summer Castle, I passed a family who remarked, “That’s beautiful, eh?”  I asked, “Are you from Canada?  The ‘eh’ kind of gave you away.”  They were from Calgary.

In former times, this beautiful structure was known as The Great Ball Game House where a form of tennis was played.

Chris spent time looking at an art exhibit on the fall of the Iron Curtain on display outside and inside the summer palace.

I took photos.

After leaving the castle, we got on tram #22 and rode it as far as we could past the castle just to see where it went and to see a different part of Prague.  However, we waited too long to get off at the last stop and had to ride the tram to the turn around spot.  We thought it would just continue back down the hill in the opposite direction, but apparently the driver was aiming to take a break.

I loved the poppies that popped up in random spots.

We got off the tram and started walking back in the direction of the castle.  Our first stop was lunch.  Misha and Kristen purchased pizza at Pizza Pazza shop and Amy, Chris and I went next door to the kebab place.

We wandered for the afternoon to different sites around Prague.  They had a small Eiffel Tower, extensive gardens that took us down the hill, and a small island on the Vltava River under the Charles Bridge.

I found the cutest little coffee shop called Coco Van under the bridge and snapped a few pictures.

Amy still hadn’t found a sweatshirt so we chose to let her finish some shopping in Wenceslas Square.  We sat and watched the Hari Krishna pass us by as well as a couple who left their baby in a stroller outside a shop while they went inside for quite some time.

Chris treated us all to tredlnik, a tasty cinnamon rolled bread concoction.  We saw stands to purchase the tredlnik all over Prague, however, locals are quick to point out that it is not a traditional Czeck treat.  Perhaps it is becoming one.

We found the funky moving head.

My foot hurt.  We all had sore feet from so much walking, 8 to 10 miles every day, especially when those miles were over uneven cobblestones.  We returned to the apartment for much needed rest before trying to find a place for dinner.

We had hoped for a restaurant called Piknik Place but it was completely full with reservations.  We ended up walking back up the hill toward the castle.  So much further than any of us wanted.  With all of the pasta and pizza we ordered on this trip, Chris made the conclusion that maybe our hearts belonged in Italy!

Europe 2019 - Day 12

Chris had noted that there would be some kind of filming in the neighborhood around the Ministry of Culture building as well as the Mandarin Oriental hotel situated across the street from our Air BNB.  Indeed there was as they began setting up around 5:00 am!  We had the windows open due to the lack of an A/C unit in the flat.

We spent the morning in the Jewish Quarter touring the synagogue and cemetery.  Chris (and all men entering the display were asked to wear a yarmulke out of respect.  The synagogue was pretty sobering with the names of all the victims of the holocaust (shoal) from the Czech Republic etched on the wall.  We found some Klein names.  Not sure if they are related but heartbreaking for sure.

The final section of the synagogue displayed the art from some of the children housed at the concentration camp, Terezin, before being shipped to other concentration camps.  The artwork brought tears to Chris’ eyes.  Most of us had wanted to visit Terezin, except for Kristen.  It was just too much for her to bear, so we found other ways to spend our day.

"More than 150,000 Jews were sent there, including 15,000 children, and held there for months or years, before being sent by rail transports to their deaths at Treblinka and Auschwitz extermination camps in occupied Poland, as well as to smaller camps elsewhere. Less than 150 children survived." (http://www.terezin.org/the-history-of-terezin)

"These drawings were made during art classes that were organized by Friedl Dicker-Brandeis (1898–1944), a painter, interior and stage designer, graduate of the Bauhaus, and pupil of Franz Čížek, Johann Itten, Lyonel Feininger, Oskar Schlemmer and Paul Klee.

"As part of what was mostly a clandestine education programme for children at Terezín, the art classes were very specific in nature, reflecting the progressive pedagogical ideas that Friedl Dicker-Brandeis had adopted during her studies at the Bauhaus (especially in the initial course developed by Johannes Itten). Drawing was seen as a key to understanding and a way of developing basic principles of communication, as well as a means of self-expression and a way of channelling the imagination and emotions. From this perspective, art classes also functioned as a kind of therapy, in some way helping the children to endure the harsh reality of ghetto life.

"Before being deported to Auschwitz, Friedl Dicker-Brandeis filled two suitcases with about 4,500 children's drawings and put them in a secret place; immediately after the war, they were recovered and handed over to the Jewish Museum in Prague. These drawings are a poignant reminder of the tragic fate of Bohemian and Moravian Jews during the Second World War. Only a few of the Terezín children survived. The vast majority were deported to Auschwitz where they faced certain death.

"These pictures are often all that is left to commemorate the children's lives. Without them their names would be remain forgotten." (https://www.jewishmuseum.cz/en/explore/permanent-exhibitions/children-s-drawings-from-the-terezin-ghetto-1942-1944/)

There are approximately 12,000 headstone in the Jewish cemetery next to the Pinkas Synagogue; however, it is speculated that upwards of 100,000 individuals are actually buried there.  Jewish custom forbade the removal of old graves; it is possible that the graves are stacked 12 deep in some places.  The dead were simply stacked one on top of the other with new dirt being brought in for additional burials.

A tithing box with the front section missing.

To lighten the mood, we stopped for lunch and then did some shopping in the Havel market.  We sat in the grass in a nearby park for lunch.

The Havel Market was pretty touristy.  Misha and Amy were hoping to find sweatshirts.  Misha came away with two sweatshirts.  Amy none.

The forecast had suggested rain and clouds today.  After dropping off one of the backpacks and Misha’s purchases, we left the apartment with only one umbrella and a rain jacket for Chris.  That was a mistake.

We started a tour of the Prague Castle and chapel.

While we were partway through our touring, the rain started in earnest.  It was close to closing time and the workers shooed everyone out of the chapel we were taking refuge in.  We hurried along the cobbled walkways looking for a place to hang out until the rain eased up.

We found an out of the way section next to some construction.  The gate had been left open so we made ourselves comfortable and enjoyed a few snacks while we waited.

The rain poured out of the gargoyles mouth.  As the rain lightened to a sprinkle and most of the tourists had left the area, we headed for the tram stop.  On our way down to the old town area, we passed another tram heading up the hill that was having mechanical problems.  It had blocked all traffic and at least ten trams were backed up behind it.  We were pretty glad to be traveling down the hill.

We found a restaurant fairly close to the apartment called The Restaurant of Malta’s Knights.  The food was so so.  Cash was the required method of payment.  The cashier/waitress suggested that Chris use the ATM at the corner.  That was against one of Chris’ cardinal rules as that ATM charged lots of fees and were often the target of skimmers.  He took off toward a bank while the girls and I waited at the restaurant until Chris returned.

We needed more groceries and took off for Tesco.  Misha was ready to be done and just wanted to go back to the apartment.  She was not happy when we all set off for the grocery store.  Tesco was right next to Sephora and it sucked Amy and Kristen right in.  They just had to walk through it for a moment.  Apparently it smelled the same.

This is a chandelier that hung by the entry of the apartment.  Chris knocked it with his head every time he passed by.