I don’t feel terribly qualified to speak on the topic I’ve been given. Christ said, “be not as the hypocrite.” So when I was asked to talk about being a peacemaker, I thought to myself, “You’ve got the wrong girl for the job! I’ve been an instigator since Day 1!”
If you don’t believe me, my mother could tell you that she once overheard me and my sister arguing. I must’ve been 5 or so when I had apparently been wronged by my big sister. From the other room, my mom heard my sister yell, “I am not apologizing to you in Spanish!”
I’ve been asked to answer the question, “How can we be peacemakers?” and for me, this is a very real question. How can I, the girl who got told she should be a lawyer about 500 times as a kid because she loved to argue, be a peacemaker?
In Matthew 5:9, Christ says “Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.”
I’d like you to consider the same question I did in preparation for this talk. “What keeps me from being a peacemaker?”
In those moments where I could choose to say something that adds fuel to the fire or to say something kind, or maybe not even say anything at all, what prompts me to choose the snarky thing? I’ll be honest, it's usually my own pride. There’s always a line of reasoning in the moment, such as…
- I can’t be nice to them, they’re just too annoying
- They were mean so I was mean back
- They did something stupid so I told them so
If you have or currently suffer from a line of thinking similar to my own, I would urge you to listen to the prophets' words in his April 2023 Conference address, aptly named, “Peacemakers Needed”.
“Peacemaking is a choice. You have your agency to choose contention or reconciliation. I urge you to choose to be a peacemaker, now and always. Brothers and sisters, we can literally change the world—one person and one interaction at a time. How? By modeling how to manage honest differences of opinion with mutual respect and dignified dialogue.”
The actions we take say a lot about us. Jesus said that, “By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.” I would add that people will know we are His disciples if we have control over our emotions, kindness in thought and deed, temperance and tolerance towards everyone, and patience for the impatient.
This means peacemaking in all times, things, and places.
You might be thinking, “I’m doing pretty okay with peacemaking, I barely ever argue with people at work or school or church, etc.,”
Most likely, none of you are being antagonistic towards your neighbors or coworkers or friends. I doubt we’re throwing tantrums in supermarkets and arguing in the break room. But are we showing our discipleship in our homes?
When do we let words go too far? And who receives the most eyerolls and raised voices? Who do we lose our patience with the fastest?
I know from experience that it’s often those we live with, our very own families.
It's paradoxical that the people we end up needing to make peace with the most are those we love the most. I’m not perfect at this, I mean I literally started off by telling you about one of the many times I fought with my sister. But, I can’t imagine saying some of the things I’ve said to my family in anger to my friends or companions or anyone in my most infuriating moments with them.
So why do we let ourselves go as far as we do in our families?
It’s normal, you’re with them all the time, you’ve spent a lifetime of knowing them better than anyone else, and, inevitably, know exactly how to push their buttons and vice versa. But if the Savior spent time in our homes, would He see a family that prioritizes being kind over being right?
Peace in the home is something that can seem unfamiliar.
Peace in general might feel foreign to you. That is okay.
If you are seeking peace in your life, it is a simple equation. “And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace.” (James 3:18).
Essentially, you give peace, you get peace in return. It might not be from those we contend with. We can’t guarantee that us choosing the kind thing will make them do it too. But, we will find peace in not saying the thing we’d regret, or not feeling that icky unresolved feeling after an argument.
I love Norah Ephron movies, and this reminds me of the film, “You’ve Got Mail”.
The main character, Kathleen, talks about how she never has the cutting retort she’s looking for when she’s in the moment, the thing she really wants to say. In retrospect, she can always think of the thing that would hurt them the most or that would’ve won her the argument, but only after the fact. The other protagonist, Joe, has the opposite problem. He always knows exactly what to say that will hit them the hardest, but he wishes he didn’t. At one point in the movie, she finally does it, she says the hurtful thing that she imagined would be so satisfying and vindicating in the moment. And then she understands why Joe wishes he couldn't do it. She’s left feeling empty and awful and what should’ve been a relief turns out to hurt everyone involved.
I’m sure you’ve experienced both ends of the spectrum, where you’re sitting up late at night and think, “Oh! That would’ve shut them up!” or you’re in the middle of an argument anf when you come up with the perfect thing to say, and then you say it, you feel even worse. And what should’ve been satisfying leaves you more upset, but now with yourself.
How can we avoid contention, and why do we keep contributing to it if we know it won’t make us feel better? It takes persistent, consistent effort. We will still fail, that’s human nature. But, when you’ve successfully chosen to keep the peace, how can you identify it? Christ tells us, “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you.” (John 14:27)
An abundance of the Spirit is an indication that we’ve done something right. True peace comes from the presence of the Holy Spirit in our lives. If we desire to have the Holy Ghost more readily in our homes and hearts, it means choosing peace.
We find peace in Christ. That phrase is the title of one of my favorite church songs.
Mend the broken hearts.
Dry the tear filled eyes.
When we live the way He lived,
There is peace in Christ.
That's it. When we live the way He lived, we find peace.
As we strive to become more like our Savior in our daily interactions, we are showing our love for Him. Every “I’m sorry”, every held back retort, every hug, every effort to reconcile is a gift to our Savior for the infinite, matchless gift He gave us.
President Nelson said, “One of the best ways we can honor the Savior is to become a peacemaker. The Savior’s Atonement made it possible for us to overcome all evil—including contention.”
We have all had contention in our lives. We will continue to face it for the rest of them. But Christ’s Atonement is able to fill all the holes that are created by it. We can heal our hearts, find forgiveness for our shortcomings. We can find relief when others choose to contribute to contention, we can move on from the hurt inflicted by others. His grace is sufficient to heal all wounds, the ones we’ve given and the ones we’ve received.
If you believe in our Savior, if you know that He died and suffered for our sins, that is only half of it. The part that we have to understand for the full effect of His grace to work is believing it works for you. It covers it all. The “I’m sorry's” we give and the ones we never hear back. The Atonement covers it all.
Any extent of pain from a lack of peace in our lives can be reconciled by our Savior.
If you wonder how that can be and what that looks like, the Prophet recently invited us to study the Atonement of Jesus Christ everyday. Doing so will unlock His grace in ways we had not fully understood or taken advantage of before.
These are the four truths I’d like you to remember:
- Peacemaking is a choice.
- We can turn the other cheek.
- We can say the kind thing.
- We are capable of following our Savior.
Our behavior in our homes is the most indicative show of our discipleship.
If you seek peace, choose peace. You get what you give.
The Atonement of Jesus Christ can help us when we fall short and heal us from the hurt we receive from others.
I can promise that choosing peace all the time will vastly enlarge the capacity of the Holy Ghost in your life, as well as the actual peace you feel. And I can promise that when we don’t choose peace, that Jesus Christ is there to pick the pieces back up, if we allow Him to.
Let your homes be an indication of your love for the Savior. Speak to everyone as if the Savior were there with you, and as you do, it will start to feel like He is. Try for one week to choose peace in all your interactions, especially in the home, and see what comes of it. You will notice a difference.