I was lying in bed one night, worrying over my family. These thoughts flowed in to my mind as I finally drifted off to sleep, and I had to wake myself up and quickly write down my thoughts.
When our children were young, Chris and I were able to create parameters and guidelines in helping our girls make choices. As young children, they had agency, but in reality, their choices were often limited. As parents, we would help them make decisions by offering options:
Do you want to wear this pink shirt today or the striped one?
Would you like cereal for breakfast or pancakes?
Which friend would you like to play with? This one or that one?
The choices were much simpler.
As my daughters have grown and matured and exercised their agency in making choices, Chris and I have reinforced our family standards, goals, and expectations all along the way.
I perused titles on Deseret Bookshelf one day and came across a book titled, "A God Who Weeps." And as I have thought lately about a God who allows His children to have agency, I understand a little more: He is a God who weeps, a God who worries, a God who never stops loving.
This standing aside to let my adult and teen children make choices is one of the hardest things for me to do. I want to step in. I want to make life all better. I want them to choose the way I would. I am a mother who weeps, a mother who worries, a mother who never stops loving.
Though I wish I could wrap my girls in the easy parameters of their childhood choices, I can't. And so they are making decisions:
Do I draw close to God or pull away?
Do I make good choices or should I follow this not-so-great option?
Are my friend choices lifting me up or pulling me down?
Which college should I attend and what should I study?
Do I sacrifice career for family or family for career?
Should I eat healthy?
As I watch my girls grapple with important life decisions, there are times when my heart cheers and others when my heart breaks. I guess that is what being a parent is all about. And my prayers to heaven never cease.
I am grateful for a God who is teaching me to be a parent. No doubt, He has wept over me. Yet, He never stopped loving me, encouraging me, or sending the inspiration as I needed it. I am grateful for agency and a God who loves me enough to weep over me.
